Date

Balance of TV License

Stories

30/09/04

£101 Special concession because Danny got it wrong yesterday.

Today David gave us 3 stories on how to save money.
 

Story 1: David explained how we can save on our shopping bill; we spend £115 billion in supermarkets every year that equates to £5000 per household, £2000 per person. David said we have about £424 pounds of items lying around the house that we can eat, Danny suggested that David eats 'War And Peace' after Mrs. Kuo has finished reading it. David told us not to leave tins of food lying around the house.

Story 2: David suggested we all shop in Lads (Limited Assortment Discounters Stores). These stores hold 1000s of items at an excellent price. Danny said that they sell chickens in a tin. Amy asked David ‘What about fresh fruit?'

Story 3: Another way of saving money is to do our shopping on our hands and knees. David suggested this because we would then only see the items on the bottom shelf! If anyone has a picture of David doing his shopping please send it to us. Of course again David suggested we use vouchers. Another re-cycled story again David... another yellow  card.

Today David says he listens to another radio station that no one else listens too and that’s where he gets his stories from. When I prompted him to tell us the source of these stories he refused to disclose it.

Other stories of the day: MMO2 lifts revenue target for UK
IMF calls for Brown to cut public spending or face crisis

Listener's feedback:

From Chris Ford.
Dear Candy Crew (1^st class)
 

I always find the financial part of the show intriguing.  However I wish to take issue with David’s supposition regarding the holding cost of grocery items in your cupboard.  The highest element of holding cost is the opportunity cost of utilising that asset for other purposes.  In general the cupboards are there in the kitchen and have no other purpose except to hold food.  Unless David is proposing smaller houses with no cupboards or that we eat our food raw on the way back from the supermarket then no savings are made.

Chris Ford FCA

Ford & Co Chartered Accountants

Bristol

From Ashley Shaw

Two observations:

1.  From today's show -30-9-04 Does David Kuo live in the real world?  £40 per week per person on basics at supermarkets may be high but it's not  lot (remember that's food, toilet paper washing up liquid etc) and what's he on about "holding costs" of keeping a tin of baked beans -it's only the costs of the interest foregone by not investing that  money.  Get real David food gets wasted!

2.  Do you notice how he always says "sort of".  So he'll say something like "if people want to sort of save money".  Well either they do want to save money or they don't -you can't sort of save money.  This is the same as kids saying "like" these days -its a childish affectation. I am sure you could easily find many examples like this.

Keep up the good work.

Ashley

PS I've copied this to Danny coz I love the show -had a right old laugh this morning.

From Ali Kelman

The David Kuo Website

Greetings from The Platinum Club.

Ali the Footman bids you welcome and may I take your hat?

Over here in the land of Platinum we find the musings of Mr Kuo of great financial benefit and our leader, The Grand Invisible Wazir, (all hail His Greatness - and that), wouldn't dream of making any financial major decisions until he has heard the words of Kuo, whilst sipping on his early morning java.

Only last week His Eminence stated in an Interview with the well known Metropolitan Police society Magazine, Hello, Hello, Hello, that he had owed much of his fortune to the wise council of David Kuo.

One thing that I think that is confusing the listeners (and particularly Sylvia) is  the time difference between Sarawak and Marylebone. When David comes on-air it is already well past lunchtime in Sarawak so he has to gauge what stories have not yet reached the far-flung shores of Blighty.

I have tried to phone Sylvia to put this point to her but her mother said she was too busy to come to the phone.

Will that be all, Sir?

From Zoe Brown

I heard you on the show today and have found the website.  I have got completely lost in it and am enjoying it so much I don't think I'll do any work today.

Perhaps we could ask David how much time is wasted by the working population surfing sites when they are supposed to be working - in my case it also means the Motley Fool site which is his bread and butter I believe.

I will definitely be part of the "David Watch" now as prior to Syliva's fantastic telling off I had often thought the news stories sounded familiar and then would remember halfway through the morning where I had heard them first.

keep up the good work, this website is now on my favourites.

best wishes

Zoe Brown

From Rob Stephens

Good morning Colin,

I heard you on DB's breakfast show this morning giving David Kuo a justifiable ribbing - well done!

That prompted me to visit your web site today, and whilst browsing I spotted the following error:

I listen to the show every morning as I drive to work and whilst I find David very entertaining, I also suspect his financial acumen. Earlier this year David was asked to calculate the percentage increase in profit from £75m to £100m and he couldn't answer. Alarmed, I sent a 'Listener's warning' to him. Following Sylvia's observation, I thought to offer fare play between David and the listeners by documenting his financial stories.

Should of course be fair play!

Regards

Rob Stephens

Business Quality Controller

Barclays Financial Planning - Customer Monitoring Unit (Kingshill)

29/09/04

£103

Story 1: Merc – the US drug company – is developing a nasal drug called PYY which reportedly tells one's tummy that it is full, leading to weight loss. Danny though this drug had long been available under slightly more dodgy circumstances. Amy felt that drug companies were just looking to make money at the expense of fat people.

Story 2: McD's falling profits - David didn't want to even talk about this story. He said he didn't like to talk about other people's misery. His angle was to discuss new secret research taking place at a secret location in Paris by chef Olivia Pichot who is charged with “creating new flavors” .

Today we learned that David Kuo was unaware of this web site, a site dedicated to monitoring and celebrating his celebrated radio career. A career Danny was sure to point out started on Radio London 94.9 when David was rejected by everyone else. When asked why he hadn't even bothered to register a domain with his own name, David replied "I'm just a nobody. I feel awful."

We also learned that David was very skinny as a child, requiring weekly iron injections. One day he told his doctor that he didn't want the injection in the arm, but that he felt he knew the doctor well enough to 'get it' in other body parts. The doctor happily obliged.

Other stories of the day: Capitol Radio and GWR agree to merge

                                      Tesco seeks 12,000 new staff

Listener's feedback: 

28/09/04

£104

Story 1. Today is Mid-Autumn festival. Somehow, David linked this with the Moon and Mars company. Forest Mars was invited to join his father's company but refused. Instead, he worked his way up the ladder at Rowntree and used his fortune to buy his father's company. Then he sacked his dad. David also explained how Mars was the first company to brand a raw commodity, ''Uncle Ben's Rice''
Story 2. Unwins is up for sale.  This is very strange because when I checked out this story, it was first mentioned in May 2004. This story receives a yellow  card.

Amy relayed a story where her father sacked her brother for piercing his ear.  He said it was a bad influence on the company.
Danny also told us how M&M turned down the greatest marketing coup ever when they turned down M&M's candy as ET's food.

Other stories of the day: Union to meet P&O over job cuts
Virgin boss in space tourism bid

Sylvia's feed back: I noticed that Dr. Kuo seemed rather vague this morning on the issue of 'working with relatives'.  

The Candyman asked Dr. Kuo whether - if he worked with his father - he would sack his father if the business would benefit from the departure.  I don't know about you, but I thought that Dr. Kuo gave this question quite a bit of thought before he answered.  The fact that he eventually said "no" is neither here nor there.  I believe he was considering what he would say to his dear old Pa whilst handing him his P45.  Obviously, not being able to come up with an reason/excuse good enough, he decided to give what he thought would be a popular answer.  (This made me wonder whether Dr. Kuo has actually worked with relatives before.  No doubt, those who know him best would know better than to offer themselves up for sacrifice in the 'Lion's Den'.)

Dr. Kuo.  Don't try to fool us now.  It's way too late.  You've already revealed far too much of yourself to be considered popular now.  (*Tutts*) Disgraceful.

27/09/04

£105

Story 1. Ready for Donald Trump, the fragrance? NEW YORK (AP) — He calls it "the must-have gift for the holidays." Donald Trump is teaming with Estee Lauder Companies in a deal touting a fragrance with his name. This story is dated Thursday 23rd September
Story 2.Lagerfeld Goes Mass Market with H&M Collection This story is dated Friday 24th September 
Story 3. Pumpkin Patch rewarded with huge share-price leap This story is dated Friday 24th September

Looks like David spent the weekend digging up last weeks old stories. Another   card.

David confirmed that he wears Eau Savage, but only on very special occasions

Other stories of the day: A new dawn for property ownership? (Another important story missed by David)
Man Utd sees profits slide by 30%
Virgin takes on Apple in internet music

Sylvia's feed back: After the (rather delayed) news brought to us by Dr. Kuo this morning regarding Donald Trump's new fragrance, I believe it would be a good idea for Dr. Kuo to expand his own empire.  I feel he should diversify into other markets as I don't really believe that he will be able to get away with his kind of "financial advice" indefinitely - you know...."market forces" and all that....

Anyway, after a bit of thought I decided that Dr. Kuo should follow Mr Trump into perfumery - if that's what it's called - and launch his very own fragrance. 

After listening to Dr. Kuo explaining that there was a toxic/bad smelling elements in perfume (and after recalling Dr. Kuo studio 'butter' experiment) I think that the 'toxic' part should be based on the chemical mix between butter and Dr. Kuo's skin.  The nice smelling part should be based on chocolate. 

Instead of "avoid contact with eyes/sensitive areas" the warning on the labeling should be "avoid contact with top lip".

Alternatively, Dr. Kuo could leave out the chocolate and simply market the butter/skin mix to gardeners.  It could be sprayed along garden fences and used for deterring cats from fouling in your garden.

I have been trying to think of names for either fragrance, but so far have not come up with any that I believe are worthy.

Does anyone else have any decent names?

24/09/04

£106

Story 1. Electrolux unfortunately they had the life sucked out of them yesterday. They issued a profit warning blamed on higher steel price! David said that he would only pay £100.00 for a vacuum cleaner.
Story 2. Richmond Foods, makers of Skinny Cow low-fat ice cream, reported good results yesterday. This came on top of the report that Unilever results poor results in similar markets.  I checked out this story and found “Richmond Foods has said the proposed closure of one its sites could lead to job losses for 175 people”. Once again David failed to mention this. This story receives another  card.
Story 3. David reported Laura Ashley is not doing well.
Story 4. Ireland is proposing a tax on chewing gum to cover the cost of cleaning up the sticky mess. David felt this was unfair due to the fact that he always puts his gum in the bin and why should he be taxed on other people faults..

David told us how he inherited a red anodized shoe horn, he also told us how in the past he turned out the light in the house, so he could checkout what it's  like to hoover in the dark!

Other stories of the day:Liverpool set for new bid

23/09/04

£107

Story 1. Store card interest rates…once again David talked about the Government's interest in store card interest rates. This story definitely deserves a yellow card because we have all heard David talk about this. Even Danny made David move onto Story 2. This story receives a yellow card.
Story 2. Proctor & Gamble is about to release a new drug, Intrinsa, which is intended for women suffering from a loss of sexual desire as a result of medical or surgical menopause.
Story 3. Low-carb blamed for Twinkies' undoing KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Interstate Bakeries Hostess, the purveyor of lunch-box staples Wonder Bread and Twinkies, filed for bankruptcy protection yesterday, felled by the combination of a more health-conscious public and smothering operational costs.

David confirmed that whenever he visits a hotel or guest house, the first thing he and his children are trained to do is to collect all the sachets containing tea, coffee, shampoo, etc. Last night he had a coffee from one of the sachets as a result of his coffee tasting yesterday. Danny suggested that Proctor and Gamble should buy one of Hostess's products names and call Intrinsa 'DingDong' or 'RingDing'.

Other stories of the day: Admiral workers set for windfall
BA drive to boost staff numbers

Listener's feed back:

22/09/04

£108 special

Story 1. Today, David said that fast moving consumer goods are in trouble because Coke Cola has gone flat, Jolly Green Giant has been cut down to size,  and Ben and Jerry's are suffering. He also said he wouldn't be surprised if Colgate would start to suffer and sure enough yesterday Colgate did confirm that things are not going too well. Danny commented that if people are eating less then it follows they are brushing their teeth less. David confirmed that he once cleaned his teeth with sugar cane and on another occasion with salt.
Story 2. Ryan Air is also having trouble increasing its fares. They are now trying gimmicks such as hand held entertainment consoles on flights and will encourage people to by nuts, sandwiches and drinks.

Following yesterday's comment that David didn't like coffee, Danny organized a tasting session for him. David came to the conclusion that mocha coffee was at least bearable. As he drank on, David become very hyper and confirmed 'HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT'.  At last we get the truth!.

Other stories of the day: Shell seeks to reassure investors
EU aims to curb working opt-out

21/09/04

£111

Story 1. David asked us to spare a thought for Rank Hovis McDougall because they were made to sit on the fence yesterday as they own Saxo and Cerebos (the three headed dog that looks after the third layer of hell) salt and everyone is being told to cut down on salt. Danny reckons salt sends you bald.
Story 2. 'I can't believe it's not better'. Unilever said that the terrible summer had an effect on their ice cream and Lipton tea brands sales. Danny said that the slurry from Tom and Jerry's ice cream is fed to pigs.

Danny noticed that David is developing a little gut!
David said that he has some monkey pick tea, which grows on trees. They put little backpacks on the monkeys and send them up trees to pick the tea. David also said he had a bad experience with CAMP coffee and now does not drink coffee.

Other stories of the day: Tesco sees profits jump to £822m
Cash machine charges 'escalate'

Listener's feed back:

20/09/04

£112

Story 1. David explained that investors should check the golf handicap of the CEO of a company. Apparently, according to David the better the CEO's handicap, the better the company performs. He did warn that if their handicap is too high they are spending too much time on the golf course.
Story 2. Was roughly based around the fact that there are London companies (well this is hot news), and that London companies like Royal Doulton, are moving their factory overseas to halt the decline in profits.

David also confirmed that he likes Peking duck and toffee apples, and that you can cook the duck by putting a tube between it's cheeks and blowing hot air up the tube!

Other stories of the day: Troubled retailer Marks & Spencer is expected to announce details of its £2.3bn buyback scheme when it issues it's trading update on Tuesday.

Capital Radio and GWR in merger talks.